Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
