God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
