how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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