Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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