Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
