im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
