the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
