Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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