wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
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I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize