you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
