did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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