420 ftw
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
