he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
What a dumb baby whore.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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