I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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