it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
