White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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