I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just googled if crying burns calories
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Randomize
