hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
