I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
