I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
