Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
