Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
