i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
