These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
