Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
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I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
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i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
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