dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
