woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
