the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
