38 yer olds are good kisserssss
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
