sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i think my mom watched the whole time
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
