I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
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2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
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I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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