so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
