He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
