how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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