i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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