I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
