marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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