she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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