his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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