So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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