I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
