Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
