I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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