Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
