apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
