They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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