butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
