My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
