wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
