Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
