we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
this will be a night to untag.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
