my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
