stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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