I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
