its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
