It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
