Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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