States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
