I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
