I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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