the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
