Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
