I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
