he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Randomize
