my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
