but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
