I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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